Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
