Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
