GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize