I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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