Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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