Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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