Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize