I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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