Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
