I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
