yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
