i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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