i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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