Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
