my mouth tastes like poor choices
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There r osticjed everywhere
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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