i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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