remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
