Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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