Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
