i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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