upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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