I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We need to rekindle our bromance
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize