i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
