yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
