guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
