if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
