Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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