i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
