i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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