I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
