DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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