Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
