God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize