I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
