I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
