Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
