come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
