He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize