so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
