She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
