i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
