I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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