after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
