wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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