She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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