its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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