It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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