Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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