Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
