tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize