I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
