p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
