Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
