im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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