I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
