you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
