remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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