Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
