Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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