not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
