anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
