I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
