Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
