if you like me you must not know who I am
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
