Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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