what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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