Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize