Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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