I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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