I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
