im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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