I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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