I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
