My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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